So, I weighed in today.  I lost 5.2 lbs.!  That’s supposed to be great, right? I’m supposed to be elated and ecstatic about losing that much weight since SUNDAY, but instead, I feel terrible.  I feel sad and deflated.  I for some crazy unhealthy reason was disappointed with that five pounds that I lost.  I have stuck with my diet all week long, and just thought I’d lose more, but that attitude is REALLY unhealthy.  I should be excited about my weight loss, but instead all I can think about is how long this process is going to be and wondering if I’ll ever even get there.  I had a good day at work today-actually a great day.  I got a lot accomplished, but was very busy all day.  I drank all of my shakes, which I neglected to get done at work yesterday and had to make up for it when I got home.  So today I did it.  I was so pumped about the weigh in, but then I got there and weighed in and it was like someone punched me in the stomach.  I don’t know what happened.  So then I sat in the room waiting for the Nurse Practitioner and I felt like crying the whole time.  I refrained, of course, but when she came in I told her how I was feeling and she said that 5.2 lbs. was a lot, and that last time I did the diet, was I exercising? No.  I started out not exercising and at a lower weight than I am now…so why did I lose less in 5 days?  Who knows.  She suggested that I might be PMSing or something, but yeah, haven’t had a cycle since January because I’m trying to work myself off of the pill and get regular naturally, but that isn’t working.  Am hesitant to go to a doctor because the last one I went to made me feel terrible about myself, so I’m waiting until I get some of this weight off to go to the doctor and get something to regulate myself that isn’t the pill.  I’ve done research on it, but I haven’t found out anything except just trying to not stress and lose weight and my body might pick back up by itself.  Anyway, so PMS wasn’t it.  So then I talked to her and went in to the meeting, where I didn’t know anyone and felt like a complete outsider with all of those people.  They had a click because they’d started together, and I have no one that I started with, and I feel like I’m just a ghost in there.  It was weird.  Anybody that knew me would be shocked at how I am when I’m around people that I don’t know and i don’t know ANYBODY in the room.  It’s unnerving for me.  So I sat through the meeting, which truly felt like a waste of time for me.  I had heard just about everything they’d talked about during my Welcome session, so it was just borrrring.  Then it was time to come home.  I called my mom and she helped me feel better.  She suggested that I go talk to someone about my unreasonable expectations on myself, because she thinks that it’s my perfectionism coming into play, and that if I don’t get a handle on it I might sabotage myself.  She also said that she was really proud of me, which means a lot to me.  Ryan and I are going to Natchez the weekend of October 9th to see the Balloon Race, so we talked about that some.  I’m looking forward to spending some time with my family and seeing everyone ,and I think that Ryan and I will have a great time watching the actual balloons-they are SO gorgeous.  And we are going to have a hotel room so we’ll have our own area, which is nice too.  So that’s about all I know for today.  Now I’m home, feeling down and trying not to, but not having much success.  :(  Hope I feel better tomorrow.