Ok, so I have to write this, or I am going to proceed into the kitchen and make whatever I can get my hands on and shove it down my throat……WITHOUT chewing or breathing or enjoying it, really. I am SO SO SO SO hungry right now. I was not good at getting my shakes in on a time schedule that was good today, and therefore here I sit, starving and really wanting to eat. I had a good day today. I taught my classes, and yes only 2 days til I get a WORK DAY. Now I thought I’d get the 5th grade period off because our 5th grade class lost a teacher and has been split into two classes. WRONG. When it came time for 5th grade, there they were, lined up outside and ready to come in. Totally threw me off, and I was not prepared with their papers. But I found them and all was fine. I even got the invitations put in the boxes of people at work, so I am starting to see who will get a formal invite, etc. I am really irritated because there’s this one lady who I work with that I do NOT want to invite, but everyone else is coming and she will know if I don’t invite her because I’m inviting the lady next door, but she is always such a BITCH (scuse the language) to me, and I don’t even want her there to eat our free good food. GRR. So anyway I went through my day as normal, then brought Ryan home and went to my new job at Sylvan. It went VERY well. I really am going to enjoy it, I think. I trained a little bit with my supervisor, then observed one of the tutors doing Academic Reading and another child was being tutored in Writing. I’m excited. I’m going again tomorrow, then don’t have to go again until Saturday. So I’ll get some time in this week, but not TOO many hours. Also, I came home and changed our reservations for Disney (again!) We are trying to make sure we’re being realistic about the price. We also needed to add a package instead of just hotel reservations. So that’s what I did. Now I’m sitting here and am honestly just miserable. Why the hell do I have to go through this to lose weight? Why did I have to be given this stupid body that gains weight no matter if I put a single freaking bite of food in my mouth. I am so frustrated by all of it. I’m having a really rough time wanting to stick to the diet-I actually got home from tutoring and went in the kitchen and pulled out something to eat, then said Nope, I’m not going to do that-and got a shake. I am proud of myself for doing that but that doesn’t mean I’m not sitting here right now debating eating my freaking heart out. It is so hard, and it’s not going to get any easier. It is depressing and aggravating and I just can’t believe I am pushing myself throught it, but at the same time, this is the last straw for me. I wasn’t losing weight from anything else. So I will stick to it. I know I will go off of it on my birthday, so I’m going to stick to it until then (the 27th of October) and see how much I can lose. Then after my birthday it’s back on plan til Thanksgiving, then Christmas, etc. So at least once a month I get a “cheat” time. So I can look forward to that, but it’s not making tonight any easier. STUPID DIET.
Ok, enough pity party from me. That’s all I have to say-i’m just trying to distract myself and keep my mind off eating. I’m going to do wedding stuff-I’ve got to get my addresses done for my mom.
Will write more later.
