OK, so if you don’t want to read my venting about my mother, then you should exit NOW.  Because that’s probably all this will be about.

Vent #1  OK, I’ve been dieting for 9 days straight.  I have seriously eaten nothing except for fruit, vegetables, 2 cups of brown rice and 1 cup of oatmeal a day, and low-fat milk (only 2 cups a day).  I have had no meat, nothing to drink except milk and water (and decaf tea ONE night), and that’s IT.  I have done so well, I weigh in tomorrow, I am so committed and I feel so much better.  I finally found something that works for me, and that’s obvious because I have stuck with it even when I’ve been out of town or out with family who are eating STEAKS for crying out loud. Also, Ryan and I went to the gym and we’ve been working out with a DVD that we had.  OK, so yesterday I got a call from my mom.  To preface all of this, my mother has been on me about my weight for a LONG time….she even had me on NutriSystem before I turned 13.  So we have had this issue forever.  So anyway, she called me yesterday and we talked for about 30 minutes about how wonderful this new diet I was on was for me.  I love being able to actually eat, without having to eat prepackaged foods, eat only liquids (or I should say drink), or take any kind of supplements.  It’s natural, it’s real, it’s something I could live on forever.  I even told her specific things I was eating for my meals, and she seemed so interested, so genuinely interested.  And I am pretty good at reading my mom and knowing if she’s really into it or if she’s just acting like she is.  She really did seem to be listening intently.  So after we talk for 30 minutes she says that she stopped by the Woman’s Wellness Center on Jefferson Hwy. and by the Our Lady of the Lake hospital to find out about their weight loss programs.  :-O  WHAT?  OK, so she said that the Woman’s Wellness Center has a great workout facility.  I said, “Well mom, I pay for Foxy’s and Ryan and I go there.”  She kept talking, saying that this place would be better because “she knows I like to work out with women only and there are people there who are “my size” so I wouldn’t feel self conscious.”  So then I told her (again) that “I work out at Foxy’s with Ryan, and there are men and women there, and I love it.  It has a pool and many other things that we partake in besides working out.”  She then tells me that maybe I’d want to cancel it and do this instead.  I then told her that I couldn’t cancel because I was in a contract.  Then she started acting like I was 5 years old and didn’t think over signing the contract.  Uhhhh we signed the contract because we really like Foxy’s and they have a lot to offer in the exercise realm.  DUH.  So anyway she told me I should still call this girl at Woman’s Wellness because they do non-member physical training.  So I of course gave in because I was tired of hearing it.  Then she says that she wants me to call the other girl who is at the OLOL because she wants to know their program too.  I told her that I would not drive over there because it is hellacious traffic after work, and in the school year I would want somewhere that was close by.  She told me to “call anyway.”  So of course I told her I would.  Then I brought up the wedding, because she always conveniently forgets about bringing that up and is never wanting to plan with me.  I told her that I had been looking at a lot of magazines and had found a lot of things that I loved, and that I wanted to sit down and look at them with her sometime.  She said “Well if you decide to go to this trainer at the Woman’s Wellness Center, I’ll come down and do it with you once a week and we can go afterwards and do the planning.”  So, being so desperate to actually have her come and do wedding stuff with me, I agreed.  I got off the phone and told Ryan and he was FURIOUS.  He couldn’t believe that she was blackmailing me into working out, knowing that I would want to go for it so she’d plan with me.  At first I was upset with him because he was mad, but then I realized that he was right.  He brought up how at personal trainers they often weigh you, and she’d be RIGHT there next to me so that she’d be able to see how much I weighed, and she’d probably try to take me other places afterwards to work on my weight.  She was not satisfied with the program I was doing and wanted me to do something else, like a liquid diet.  So I finally realized it….he was RIGHT.  So I called her back and told her that #1, I was not doing the OLOL because they were a liquid diet place, and I’m not doing that.  And #2, I was going to do personal training at Foxy’s.  She said “Well just wait until you hear back from Woman’s Wellness Center before you do anything, because I’d be really interested to know what their programs are.”  See, this is reverse psychology that my mom tries to use on me so that I’ll say “Ohhh she thinks it’ll be cool, so I should do it too!!”   Well, I’m not stupid.  I said “Well if you want to do Woman’s Wellness that’s fine, but I’m going to do Foxy’s.”  She said, Well, as long as you do it that’s fine with me…like the whole time the reason she wanted to come down is so that she could make sure I was doing it!!!!  And in the end, she never said anything about wedding planning.  So Ryan and I decided that we are just going to go ahead and do preliminary planning ourselves.  We’re going to pick out everything we want, then we are going to wait until she finally gets ready to plan, and we’ll tell her what we want.  That way I don’t get disappointed or let down because she is not going to want to plan with me until she is ready…and who the hell knows how long that could be.  So that was that phone conversation…she said a lot of other crap that wouldn’t make sense in the blog, but it was bringing up old stuff that had happened in the past and criticizing my character.  So I got off the phone, feeling better that I refused to train with her, but still feeling like I have a crazy, crappy mother.

So that was yesterday.  Then today I called her to tell her I’d gotten an appointment with the personal trainer at Foxy’s.  I wouldn’t even have called her except she is paying for it, and I wanted to be able to tell her how much it was going to cost.  So I left a message, and she called back.  Before I say this, I should preface this with the fact that my parents thought Ryan was working at Home Depot, because he used to, and I just never told them differently.  This is my mom and stepdad.  You might say, “Well why would she do that?”  Well, here’s why.  We talked about the personal training, and that went great…I told her about 4 times when I was going.  Then I told her that Ryan and I were going to Gulfport from Sunday through Tuesday because we had a free two night’s stay at the Island View Casino.  She asked me how that was going to work with my diet.  I told her it would work fine because I was going to bring my own food with me.  She said that would be cheaper anyway.  I said, yep.  She said “Well how does that work into Ryan’s schedule?  What is his summer schedule?”  I said, “Well, that’s fine with him because his next class doesn’t start until July 1st.”  She said, “And that’s on the computer?”  That is something that REALLY gets to us also.  Ryan is doing a degree program through Devry that is VERY real, and very accredited.  It is for Game and Simulation programming.  My parents always act like it is bullshit because it is on the computer and isn’t at LSU.  Instead of asking how school is going, they always say something like “Are you still in school on the computer?”  We always say that they would not even act that way if he was going to LSU.  I mean, why would he not be in school anymore–he is pursuing a degree!!!  They just act so weird about it.  So anyway, I said “Yes, mom, that’s on the computer.”  She said ,”Well what about Home Depot?”  I said, “He doesn’t work there anymore.”  And she acted shocked.  She said, “Well how is that having an effect on your income?  Are you comfortable with that?”  I said “Yes, he is doing work on the computer, and we are fine.”  (Not that it is any of her damn business)  So then she said “And you’re sure you’re fine with that.”  I said “Yes.”  She said “Well your income is already less in the summer because of your job, so how is that effecting your bills, etc.?”  I said, “Well it’s expensive to buy all of this food that I have to buy for the diet because I have to go to the grocery a lot”  She said, “But you’re doing it, right–you’re not having to shop at Walmart for your groceries or anything?” And laughed.  Well for one thing we do shop at Walmart for our groceries-ain’t a damn thing wrong with it.  They have much better produce than Albertson’s, actually.  So anyway, then she said “Well, you know you should be trying to live in the lifestyle you are accustomed to living, and how you were brought up.”  And I said “Mom, there is no way I can live that way at 27.  I’m not a commercial real estate agent like Bo (my brother), and I’ve noticed Anna and Tom aren’t as rich as you and Bob (Anna is my sister).”  She said “Yeah and she bitches all the time.”  And I said, “Well that’s not what is important to me.”  And she said “So he just quit his job, or…”  I said “Yes, we talked about it and I agreed that he could not work while he was going to school. It is fine with me.”  And once again, “And you’re comfortable with that?”  I said “Yes!”  By then I was getting really aggravated.  The conversation went on like this for about 5 more minutes, and the whole time I could hear it in her voice that she did not approve.  WHATEVER.  So then she starts criticizing our vacation and saying “And you get two free nights at this hotel, that’s why you’re going? Have you done this before, and are you comfortable with that?”  Um no, I just booked the hotel.  DUH.  She drives me NUTS.  It is obvious that she has no respect for my relationship with Ryan.  After getting off the phone with her we talked about it, and you know, I am going to be ready for Part 2 with her, because I know this isn’t over.  She is going to ask me again about him not working, and I’m going to tell her that the conversation is over and I don’t want to hear anything else about it.  It is not her business if I want to be Ryan’s sugar mama (which it isn’t like that at all) for the rest of my life.  We are happy how we are, and I know that once Ryan has his degree he will be working, that’s all that matters to me.  She doesn’t think that our relationship is good, and doesn’t approve of Ryan at all.  It is so obvious.  It makes me so angry that sometimes I just want to go elope, seriously.  But you know, Ryan and I deserve to have the wedding that we want, and I’m going to just ignore all of the comments she makes, let the wedding get planned and be over, and then cut her off.  Seriously just wean her out of my life, little by little.  She is such a mean, mean person.  She does nothing for people out of the kindness of her heart, there is always something ulterior motive.  I just can’t deal with her anymore…I don’t even like having to talk to her or see her.  I wish there was something I could do or another way I could pay for my wedding, but there just isn’t.  So for now, we do need her.  I figure, they paid for all my other sibling’s weddings, I deserve to have mine paid for.  And I deserve to have the big wedding with all my friends and family.  I don’t deserve to be treated this way, but at least I can ignore that….and I’m going to!!!

OK, so I’m done venting…for now.  I’ll write more if she calls or emails….