OK, so I’m in the middle of a dilemma, and I just don’t know what to do about it. I got engaged in December, and quite frankly at that time I wasn’t really good friends with ANYone. I didn’t even know who I would be able to have in my wedding other than a bunch of family members, because I hadn’t been the best at keeping up with my friends. So I immediately asked a girl who I was friends with in grad school, and who I had kept up with more than anyone else. Soon after that our friendship started to become less and less. We weren’t even hanging out that much anymore. It was funny-I had actually decided at one point that I just wasn’t that good of friends with her-I talked to Ryan about it and he said the same thing-this was probably about a month and a half ago. I was talking about how I just never talked to her, and she’s the kind of person that when we do something it has to be on HER schedule and HER convenience, and oftentimes even on HER side of town! She won’t do anything that’s on this side of town…I can honestly say that only about two out of all the times we’ve hung out together, she has come over here. All the other times Ryan and I have driven 30 minutes across town to about three blocks from her house to go out. Don’t get me wrong, when we do hang out we (usually) have a good time, but we don’t have THAT much in common. We are just kinda not alike in that many ways. We have different senses of humor, we like different things, we have different backgrounds, we don’t even listen to the same kind of music, watch the same kind of TV or movies, etc. We are just opposites. I think we became friends because we are both outgoing people and in library school there just aren’t that many people to choose from. The one thing I can say that really meant a lot to me is that when my grandmother died, she is the only friend of mine that came to the wake. That did mean a great deal to me. OK, so back to when I told Ryan that I didn’t think we were that good of friends and that I was questioning having her in the wedding. He told me that I should do what makes me happy, and we both decided that it might just be best to keep her in the wedding because it’s just one day of our lives, and it would be awkward to tell her that I didn’t want her in it anymore. Then that night, she called….weird. She called to tell me that she and her boyfriend had broken up. Didn’t really call to ask how I was doing, or anything like that, just to tell me that. She had said that she wanted to go bowling, so Ryan and I agreed and I invited Amber and Kyle. That night was just weird. I had so much fun, but I didn’t feel like my old friend and I clicked as much as we had originally. I had a great time with Amber and Kyle and Ryan, but I felt like I was forcing myself to talk to my other friend-it was just kinda awkward. I don’t like her any less, but I feel like we are growing apart.
OK, so then in the meantime this friend that I’m talking about , another librarian that I have been friends with for years, and myself all bought tickets to these Broadway shows. I didn’t even want to go, so I didn’t. Well now it seems that the two of them are better friends than I am with the girl that’s my maid of honor. They talk more than I talk to her. I’m still good friends with my librarian friend-we talk almost on a daily basis, but the other girl, not so much. In fact, I have to message her or comment on her page to even talk to her. She usually doesn’t even message or comment me unless I do it first. So I’m at that point where again I feel like having her in my wedding is a mistake. I’ve had another friend tell me that she made that same mistake and wishes to this day that she hadn’t done it, so I just wish that I had an answer to this dilemma. First, i don’t know if I should take her out of the wedding or not. I don’t want to regret it after I do, but having an on-again, off-again friend in my wedding seems a little ridiculous. Second, if I do decide to not have her in my wedding-how do I even go about saying that to her without crushing her. Maybe she doesn’t even WANT to be in it anymore-maybe she feels the same way I do and doesn’t want to do it but doesn’t know how to tell me. I don’t know. All I know is it’s weird. So anyway, help! If you have any ideas, please comment. I’d love to know.
