Well, it’s been forever since I’ve written a blog, but today calls for an entry, for sure.  Well today started out pretty rough.  I was having a good morning but the kids were pretty wild today in general.  I had classes today, which was fine, but my boss got the schedule all mixed up and that messed up my lesson plans for an entire grade level.  Then I had some other things happen, but those were not really that pertinent.  You know, I find it funny how much things can affect you during the day, and how overwhelming things at work can be, then I get home and I’m like, over it.  I was really stressed today because I found out that my boss was closing down our computer lab and giving it to a teacher, so all of the computers are gone.  That means for the time being, I have no way to teach the kids about technology.  SUCKY.  My principal agreed for me to put the computers in the library, but of course she doesn’t have the funding to pay to have the Internet drops put in the library.  She did say that she’d put that on the top of the list for fundraising to pay for, but we’re looking at about $5000 here to get all of the drops we need.  She did give me the ok to get a hub for our Ethernet cables, but I am unsure of whether or not the technicians in our parish will allow that.  I have emailed the lady in charge of our WAN and she is getting back to me on the answer to that.  So I am lucky-she is fine with me putting all of the computers in the library, we just have to figure out HOW to get Internet in there for all of them.  So that was kinda disappointing in a way.  Then my classes were just WILD after 1st grade (who was great), up until 5th grade, where the day got better.  Our 5th grade class this year is really good.  Then I had Kindergarten and PRE-K.  That went fine.  Tomorrow is my last day of class before I get the rest of the week as work days.  I’m really looking forward to having that time to work in the library.

OK, so now on to what’s really bothering me.  I know I’ve written numerous times about how stressed I am about wedding planning.  My mother has made things really difficult on Ryan and I.  Everything was ok, then she started making us jump through hoops again.  She made us go to wedding counseling, then I didn’t hear anything after that.  The counselor couldn’t find a thing wrong-she thought we were perfect for each other, and she said she planned on telling my mom that when she went back.  I’m sure that she did come back, but of course she hasn’t told me, because she doesn’t want to admit that anybody else approves of our relationship.  So anyway, I hadn’t heard anything from her, then yesterday she called and asked me if I was going to be home tonight because she had some questions to ask me.  I called her soon after getting home because I wanted to make sure that she hadn’t had much to drink when I called her.  She seemed to be in great spirits.  She told me that she was coming in town and wanted to have dinner with Ryan and I.  So of course I said yes, even though I have a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow-work til 3:40, then training from 4-6.  Not something I’m excited about.  So after that long day, she wants to have dinner together.  Anyway, then she started talking to me about normal stuff, like how she got down her wedding dress and wanted me to look at it to decide if I wanted to use some of the lace for a veil or something like that.  I thought that was really sweet and was actually something I had considered even before she said something.  Then she started talking to me about china patterns, which I appreciated because I know nothing about getting stuff on a registry.  Then she told me that she wanted to tell me that I was welcome to go talk to Stacey about anything if I needed to, and she’d pay for it.  Stacey is the shrink she picked out for us to do couple counseling.  I told her that I didn’t need to go to Stacey because I have Lynn, the therapist I already go to.  She told me that she would pay for Stacey if I needed to go.  Of course, I told her that I enjoyed Lynn because I already have a repoir with her that I do not have with Stacey.  Well, then she told me that my family just doesn’t know how to communicate with me because I have shut them out since November, and they don’t know when it’s ok to call me, or when it’s ok to come down there, etc.  That’s just bullshit.  I talk to my mom at LEAST once a week, and she calls and writes me a lot, but I do the same also.  I told her that I didn’t agree with her, but of course she said that’s how they felt, and that they wanted to see us more, blah blah blah.  She then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to have dinner just the two of us tomorrow night because she wanted to talk about things without having Ryan present.  Any therapist would not agree with that because she is deliberately trying to get me in a vulnerable position, but I agreed because I am going to try my hardest not to be weak when I do have dinner with her, and plus it’s just hard not to agree-it’s easier to say yes than to say no.  She told me there were lots of questions she wanted to ask me, but they were “girl talk” questions.  I don’t believe that for a second.  I am sure that my weight will be a topic for discussion.  I agree with ryan though-he told me that if she starts to get ridiculous with what we talk about, I should just leave.  He said that she will most likely have another hoop for us to jump through, and if so, he is just not going to do it anymore unless I absolutely want to.  So if this keeps going on, I’m going to just cancel the big wedding and we’re just going to do something small that we can afford.  This is so stressful that I just feel sick to my stomach.  I don’t know why in my life this relationship with my mother has to be so stressful.  I am so close with my dad and stepmom-Ryan and I spend almost every weekend with them, at least 1 day out of each weekend, and it’s so easy and laid back and we love every minute of it, but with my mom I have never felt comfortable around her, so the moment we have to actually do something together, I just feel ill.  And that’s what is happening now.  In a way I just wish this wedding were over with, because although I care a lot about my mother, I am tired of her running my life, or at least trying to.  I know that once the wedding is over I’ll feel more comfortable with not even worrying about hurting her feelings.  I mean, of course I won’t want to be MEAN, but I won’t feel so much guilt about not doing every little thing she wants. Oh well, enough griping for now.  I’ll try to not stress about it, and whatever happens happens, right?